margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
