Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
