Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
