Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
