i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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