i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize