Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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