I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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