dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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