I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
