i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
