and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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