I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My balls are so social today.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
