If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
