i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The ass gains better be worth it
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