we have pet lesbian snakes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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