Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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