you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
