i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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