Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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