I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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