apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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