I heard we made out
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
