I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
