I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
