just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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