yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
