Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
