it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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