R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
