Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
