If i come over, it means nothing
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
