it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
