I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dating After Heartbreak
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila