Even the bartender felt bad for me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
