guess who came home with a hottie last night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.