I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.