i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo