He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads