We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
