PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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