He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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