U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
