her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
