Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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