I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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