I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
