my mouth tastes like poor choices
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
