The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found your dick twin last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
