god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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