All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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