I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
