If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
