SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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