I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
