btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
