How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
