Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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