I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
