Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Found the puke drawer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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