i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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