This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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