It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
