Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
