I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
