before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
