yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
