In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
