My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
as a side note pls kill me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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