I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the day after is always just damage control
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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