he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
