Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize