If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
